Cold weatha'

When I walk down the street in weather like this, I look like a few things:

• A sleeping bag, owing to my insistence upon wearing this coat, except in black. Note that I am 5' tall, so the sleeping bag almost grazes the pavement. I also usually have the hood up, and with draw strings drawn (like Kenny from South Park).
  

• A 15-year-old, owing to (1), supra, and to the fact that I wear Uggs. Uggs were never okay, I realize. So I'm not trying to make an argument for their being at all acceptable for me, but they are at least seriously warm. I also know that the sole demographic of Ugg-wearers left in the world are (a) surfers (of whom there are few in Manhattan in December), (b) suburban tourists (of whom there are many in Manhattan in December, but they are mostly white, which is why I don't think I look like them), (c) 15-year-olds, (d) me. This is what mine look like.

Dag, those are ugly. They don't call them "Uggs" for nothing.

• A lunatic, owing to (1) and (2), supra, and the shiftiness with which I navigate the pulsing, bleating crowds of Manhattan. I guess the one good thing about being so short is that I can move through the pack with relative smartness of pace, throwing people off balance and allowing them to eat my proverbial dust. (NB: I am still unable to do this when in any footwear other than Uggs or Adidas Sambas.)

I guess I'm more or less okay looking like an ambulatory teenage lunatic sleeping bag, but it would also not be mistaken to interpret this post as a "cry for help" in terms of ways to step it up while still being warm in the winter. I thought about getting a shorter sleeping bag, but that sort of seemed indulgent (in these tough economic times, blah, blah). Next stop: absurd earmuffs?